Tuesday, 16 May 2017
For the mothers at heart whose wombs have never experienced life, who weep for its emptiness, who pray for it to fill, who've accepted or who cannot accept that it may never
For the mothers whose wombs have seen their babies come to life and then pass there
For the mothers who screamed in agony of labor and then held their babies whose eyes would never open and whose hearts stopped beating
For the mothers whose children are not by blood but by love, and yet still others don't always understand
For the mothers who have birthed and raised their children, then washed, shrouded and buried them
For the mothers who raised their children only to feel completely disconnected from them
For those mothers who are struggling to raise their children while battling depression
For single mothers
For teachers who are the mothers of students who find love in the classroom while at home experience abuse or neglect
For activists who are so intensely defending everyone else's children they haven't been able to consider having their own
For the mothers at heart who have wanted nothing more than to be a mother for as long as they can remember, but who've never had the opportunity
For those whose mothers have passed and whose lives feel numb and empty
For those whose mothers have hurt more than helped them
For those whose mothers were never a part of their lives and who have always felt that longing
For everyone I've mistakenly missed or haven't been able to mention, just like you feel people always miss you
For those who are watching everyone else celebrate mothers today, but whose hearts are shattered
Today, tomorrow and everyday, remember: what people see isn't all of you. God knows what you are. He knows your status. And when you feel overwhelmed and broken because no one else understands all the pain and stigma related to everything other than a specific and "perfect" concept of motherhood:
"...He is with you wherever you are." (Quran, 57:4)
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
Sungguh menakjubkan urusan seorang mukmin, semua urusannya adalah baik baginya. Hal ini tidak didapatkan kecuali pada diri seorang mukmin. Apabila mendapatkan kesenangan, dia bersyukur, maka yang demikian itu merupakan kebaikan baginya. Sebaliknya apabila tertimpa kesusahan, dia pun bersabar, maka yang demikian itu merupakan kebaikan baginya.”
(Hadits shohih. Diriwayatkan oleh Muslim, no. 2999 dari Abu Yahya Shuhaib bin Sinan radhiyallahu ‘anhu).
You hang in there, Aini
Monday, 15 August 2016
Hi there, Mama. How are you doing? I mean, really doing? You say you’re fine, but I can see that you’re not. It’s OK. I’m not fine, either.
The truth is, I don’t know any moms who are “fine.” In fact, I think we should erase “fine” from our vocabularies. We are so much more and so much less than fine most days. Motherhood is a dichotomy of extremes. The highest highs and the lowest lows. Intense joy and insane frustration. Love that overwhelms you and exhaustion that overtakes you.
I know, I know. Taking care of yourself feels like one more thing to add to your mile-long to-do list. And how are you supposed to take care of yourself when you have little people relying on you to take care of them? You feel spent. There’s nothing left to give yourself.
Please listen to me carefully, Mama. I’ve been where you are. I’ve cried while my baby cried, sleepless and helpless. I’ve stared out the window of my toy-strewn living room, wondering how this mess and mayhem became my life. I’ve felt my nerves fraying at the ends—like, physically felt them fraying—and wondered if I might actually break. I’ve fought the urge to walk out the front door and keep going, far, far away.
What I’ve learned in 15 years of parenting is that this urge shouldn’t be fought. It should be indulged. Hear me out.
Motherhood is wonderful and magical and awful and hard. But when you’re feeling all of the awful and hard and none of the wonder and magic? It’s time to take a break. Actually, it’s past time. You are right in feeling spent because that’s exactly what you are.
But why do I need a break? I love my children! you think, probably with a hefty dose of guilt. Here’s the thing: Love is a limitless resource. Energy is not. Love is your engine, and energy is your fuel. Without fuel, all the love in the world is not going to get you anywhere. You sit there idle, knowing you should be moving, but utterly incapable of doing so. You have to refuel, and ideally you should do it before you get to empty.
Trust me when I tell you that your kids need you to do this. They need a mom who is not spent. They need a mom who has both love and energy to give them. They need a mom who has had enough time away that she actually enjoys being there and being “on.”
I know this whole idea might be stressing you out, but here’s the good news: It doesn’t actually require much. You know how it takes just a few minutes to put gas in the car, and then you can drive for miles and miles? You need more than a few minutes away from motherhood, but it doesn’t have to be a whole weekend or even a whole day. Just an hour or two of purposefully, consciously filling your tank can make a huge difference. Get your butt to a coffee shop or a bookstore or a spa or the gym or wherever you go to feel most like yourself. Take a book or your phone or your journal or your best friend—whatever you need to fill your empty tank. Maybe you just need a nap. Take one.
If you have no one who can watch your kids for an hour or two once in a while, join a moms group. If you don’t like the first one you try, keep looking. I promise, they are everywhere. Call your local churches. Call your local rec center. Call your city hall. Google “mom groups” and the name of your town. Finding just one like-minded mom who can kid-swap with you is a life-changer.
Whatever you do, don’t believe that what you’re feeling right now is what motherhood is supposed to be. Sometimes it sucks, yes. Sometimes it’s exhausting, yes. Those are universal truths. But if you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff looking down, that’s a sign for you to step back and walk away for a while. I know it’s hard, but you will be amazed at how much a little refueling can change your whole outlook on motherhood.
Monday, 27 April 2015
Disimpan untuk kenangan.. masjid buat program minggu lepas untuk semua golongan. Anak-anak suka sangat.
Fahri ada dalam gambar. Tapi terselit di celah-celah mereka yang lain.
Moga anak-anakku tetap hati ingin saja ke masjid. Terima kasih Tok Ayah sebab bawa mereka hari-hari.
Thursday, 10 October 2013
Tambahan lagi sebagai contoh:
Monday, 30 September 2013
Astagfirullah. Innalilla hiwa inna illahirajiun.
Buat umi Husna Humaira, anak-anak yang belum akil baligh itu ahli syurga. Segala dosa dan pahala tidak akan dicatatkan lagi. Siapalah kita yang layak masuk syurga ini berbanding si kecil itu?
Allah SWT berfirman pada hari kiamat kepada anak-anak:
"Masuklah kalian ke dalam syurga!"
Anak-anak itu berkata: "Ya Rabbi (kami menunggu) hingga ayah ibu kami masuk."
Lalu mereka mendekati pintu syurga! tapi tidak mau masuk ke dalamnya.
Allah berfirman lagi: "Mengapa, Aku lihat mereka enggan masuk? Masuklah kalian ke dalam surga!"
Mereka menjawab: "Tetapi (bagaimana) orang tua kami?"
Allah pun berfirman: "Masuklah kalian ke dalam syurga bersama orang tua kalian."
Hadits Qudsi Riwayat Ahmad dari Syurahbil bin Syuaah yang bersumber dari sahabat Nabi SAW.
Tunggu ya Husna, ibu dan ayahmu di sana ^_^
Peringatan untuk diriku jua. Anak-anak yang belum akil baligh itu ahli syurga!
Monday, 23 September 2013
“O Bani Isma`il ! Practice archery as your father Isma`il was a great archer. Keep on throwing arrows and I am with Bani so-and-so.” [Bukhari]
The full hadith as below:
The Prophet (saw) passed by some people of the tribe of Bani Aslam who were practicing archery. The Prophet said, "O Bani Isma`il ! Practice archery as your father Isma`il was a great archer. Keep on throwing arrows and I am with Bani so-and-so." So one of the parties ceased throwing. Allah's Apostle said, "Why do you not throw?" They replied, "How should we throw while you are with them (i.e. on their side)?" On that the Prophet (saw) said, "Throw, and I am with all of you."
|Reference||: Sahih al-Bukhari 2899|
|In-book reference||: Book 56, Hadith 113|
|USC-MSA web (English) reference||: Vol. 4, Book 52, Hadith 148|
|(deprecated numbering scheme)|
I had sore arms due to practicing archery yesterday.
Who says usrah is boring?
Thursday, 7 March 2013
It was an interesting site, where you can watch thousands of inspirational videos. Imagine my surprise when I found out that HyppTV (bundled with UniFi) offers direct access to TED.com talks last Monday. Wow, I am so impressed.
Now I can watch it at my living room.
I have watched a man fight against a giant sanitary pads producer in India, who started to produce a low cost sanitary pads machine. He is a school drop out, and he found out that only 2% of Indian women used proper sanitary pads. His name is Arunachalam Muruganantham. He is able to disrupt a big industry.
Or when this one MIT student shows how an engineering chip concept can be reengineered on paper, using pen or pencil. Awesome!
Frank Warren, the founder of PostSecret.com, also give talks, and ending his talk with a voice mail from a reader's deceased grandmother. Just because she saved the voice mail, in case her grandmother died, and she cannot hear her grandmother's voice again.
Or when this one lady, Hannah Brencher, started to write letters to strangers - no questions asked. Letter is like a lost art nowadays, since people communicate with e-mails, messages and telephone
One of the funniest talks that I have ever encountered was by Chip Kidd, a book cover designer. Yes, you read it right, he designs book covers.
I have never thought that designing book cover is such an interesting job. He showed some of the novels that he designed, and said that the design of a book cover started with the first question: What do the stories look like?
And then I was riveted with him showing the book covers he designs. It was inspiring to see a man who take good care to know the content of the book, and to satisfy not only the writer, publisher but also the end customers. That is us.
I always choose a book by a book cover, apart from riveting reviews. It was kind of intriguing to see a well designed book cover.
And this one was designed by Chip Kidd.
There is a whole story in designing this book.
This one was a puzzle. And so Kidd deconstructed the story and placed it around the cover. The clandestine lovers are there on the spine; the sultan peeks out on one side of the cover; there they are getting found out. “Now we have to open [the book] to find out what will happen next. Try experiencing that on a Kindle!” he adds, to great applause.
And that makes me feel bad when I read on my Nook.
He is not against technology, but simply put, in his words:
They bring ease, convenience, portability — but something is lost without books. “Tradition, sensual experience, the comfort of ‘thinginess,’ a little bit of humanity.” And, he adds, “I am all for the iPad. But trust me, smelling it will get you nowhere.”
So head on to TED.com for more awesome videos.
Thursday, 21 February 2013
Aku terkebil-kebil. Kisahnya, hanya ingin mengepos 2 keping surat bersampul panjang, aku hanya membawa sekeping nota merah. Tidak ada duit syiling atau duit bernota biru atau hijau. Kos sekeping setem untuk sampul panjang itu hanya 80 sen.
Lalu seorang pakcik di meja kaunter berkata lagi, "Hari ni semua duit merah dik. Kami pun tak ada tukar."
Dan adik posmen itu kemudian bertanya lagi dan aku katakan aku hanya bawa RM10 ini sahaja.
Kemudian dengan baik hati dia menawarkan, "Takpalah kak, kira kami buat amal jariah. Akak nak pos 2 keping surat je kan? RM 1.60 je. Boleh je kami poskan tanpa kos."
Hati aku terusik. Hanya kerana aku pernah membaca artikel pada tahun 2010 bahawa kenaikan gaji posmen dilakukan, kerana gaji posmen di bawah taraf kemiskinan. Hanya pada tahun 2010 ada pelarasan gaji untuk mereka. Yang setiap hari tanpa jemu melakukan tugas untuk memastikan surat kita sampai kepada penerima.
Apalah sangat harga setem 80 sen itu dengan gaji aku.
Lalu aku pun berkata, "Takpa dik takpa. Nanti akak pergi minimart atas beli apa-apa untuk tukar duit."
"Tak payah kak."
"Takpe takpe, kejap sahaja. Kaunter buka sampai jam berapa?"
"Sampai 5.30 kak! Tapi kami nak pergi pos surat dah ni." Ketika itu jam sudah menunjukkan jam 3 petang. Adik posmen itu sebenarnya sedang mengambil surat-surat yang dihantar pelanggan untuk diasingkan dan dihantar.
"Takpe, esok lusa pun boleh pos lagi surat ni,"aku berkata padanya.
Lalu aku membeli barang dan menukar duit di mini mart.
Kemudian turun semula dengan genggaman RM 1.60 di tangan.
Apalah sangat RM 1.60 pada kita, tetapi bernilai besar untuk mereka.
Dan di dalam hati aku, apalah sangat harga setem yang dahulunya hanya 50 sen untuk sampul surat panjang dan kemudian dinaikkan kepada 80 sen itu. Sudah berpuluh-puluh tahun harga yang sama itu dipakai. Semenjak aku masih di sekolah rendah.
Percayalah bila aku katakan, kadar yang diberi Pos Malaysia itu tersangatlah murah. Itu pun apabila aku pernah duduk di negara orang dan membandingkan kadar British Post.
Friday, 4 May 2012
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
Monday, 31 October 2011
by Soo Ewe Jin
Sushil Kumar’s win is a classic case of life imitating art as the script is similar to that of the 2008 Oscar-winning film Slumdog Millionaire.
According to the Associated Press, Sushil said he would spend some of his prize money to prepare for India’s tough civil service examination, which could lead to a secure and prestigious lifetime job.
He would also buy a new home for his wife, pay off his parents’ debts, give his brothers cash to set up small businesses and build a library in Motihari so the children of his village would have access to books and knowledge.
Everyone loves a story like this. Although people can become instant millionaires by striking the lottery or pulling the lever on a one-armed bandit at a casino, using one’s talent at a tension-filled gameshow is more admirable.
And I applaud Sushil for his noble attitude in thinking of others to share in his newfound fortune. Bihar is one of the poorest states of India and its remoter areas, such as Motihari, have been largely untouched by India’s phenomenal recent economic growth.
Do you know that there are now at least 39,000 millionaires in Malaysia? According to a recent report by the Credit Suisse Group, 19,000 new millionaires were created over the past 18 months alone.
Meanwhile, the Asia-Pacific Wealth Report 2011 by Merrill Lynch Global Wealth Management and Capgemini, also released recently, revealed that Malaysia’s rich prefer splurging on a fancy new set of wheels, luxurious yachts or private jets.
Up to 46% invested their ringgit in luxury collectibles like cars, boats and jets, the highest percentage of any country within the Asia-Pacific region.
Their counterparts down south seem less interesting and still prefer jewellery and luxury watches.
I know that the CEOs who read the business section of this newspaper may consider a million ringgit small change but to most of us, it is a very faraway goal, not something one can possibly achieve as a regular salaried worker.
But we can all dream and I was wondering to myself, what would I do if I suddenly had a million ringgit in hand? I suppose our wishes would coincide very much with our age, status, and ultimately our character.
To those who believe material pursuits equate to real happiness, a shopping spree would be fantastic.
Those who do not focus too much on material things may want to travel around the world and complete their Bucket List, which may also include going on a religious pilgrimage.
I believe that God never gives us more than we can handle, just as He never lets us go through trials and tribulations beyond our capacity to endure.
And that was when I stopped dreaming. Because I know, seriously, I will never be able to handle so much money at any one time. So I shall be content and count my blessings. I hope you will too.
Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin notes that the world’s population officially hits seven billion today. No one really knows who is Citizen Seven Billion, of course, but by the time he grows up, millionaires and billionaires will probably be a dime a dozen.
Friday, 29 July 2011
However, hardly any parent will admit to feeling this way for fear of being judged a bad parent.
The truth is if we think of all our responsibilities and commitments at one go, it can be overwhelming even for the most super of supermums and superdads.
Family counsellor Charis Patrick believes that most people do feel trapped, at one time or another, but they may not verbalise it.
“They may not want to show it. I think the deeper truth is even just thinking of getting pregnant can make them feel trapped. There might be pressure from the family and society and even their biological clock.
“Pregnant people might feel trapped in different ways because there is the fear of how their body will change, whether they will be able to maintain their body shape after pregnancy, if they will carry the baby to full-term, and all the what-ifs. All these questions of the unknown will make them feel trapped mentally, emotionally and psychologically.
“I think this is a very real issue and something that we can prepare ourselves for,” she says.
Patrick believes that nobody is ever 100% prepared for parenthood. It's about having the confidence to take that leap of faith and then taking it one step at a time.
That trapped feeling can happen at any time, not just for those who are pregnant, either. And often, it is because we feel that we don't have choices and that we have to do everything ourselves.
It is perfectly normal to feel this way. The solution comes in several avenues:
- Realising that parenthood comes in seasons;
- Asking for help and delegating the work;
- Creating “me” time and spouse time;
- Creating options;
- Playing to your strengths instead of trying to do it all;
- Sharing your feelings with your spouse and together creating options/solutions;
- Not trying to live up to society's high expectations; and
- Giving yourself a break (you deserve it!).
Seasons of parenthood
Patrick believes that parenthood is seasonal. There is the winter season – when your baby needs you the most and you may have to make more sacrifices on your time. Then there's spring – when they don't need you as much and start growing.
“You have to view it in seasons; if you view it as a life-long commitment, then it feels like a life sentence.
“I think, the beautiful thing is winter will one day end and spring will burst forth and your babies will grow up. Hopefully it's more joy than stress then.
“I think there's a period of endurance and a period of limited freedom but as we move towards bringing up the child responsibly and teaching them to be independent, to do housework, to clean up after themselves, then when they go to school we will have a little bit more free time.
“Eventually you find that you've weaned them off and you have more time to yourself. I think that's one aspect that will help – viewing parenthood as a journey and acknowledging the season that you are in,” says Patrick.
Additionally, parents may feel more trapped if they have small children and yet are the sole caregiver to their elderly parents. Then they are part of the sandwich generation – trapped between having to take care of both generations.
Patrick advises parents who form the sandwich generation to ask for help rather than attempt doing everything themselves.
“It is very healthy and mature to ask for help when help is needed. Don't try to do everything by yourself.
“You might need to outsource the caring for the elderly – perhaps send them to a daycare centre. You also need to relieve yourself so that you have some time for yourself.
“For the younger ones, maybe a daycare or childcare centre.”
She points out that it's better to get help rather than to attempt to do everything and burn out. It doesn't even need to be permanent help; it might just be temporary until you regain your momentum.
You might just need help for half a year or just a day every week.
“I think that's fine because in that half a year while somebody else is helping you take care of your child for those extra few hours, you can have some time to yourself and rest a little bit more. Or maybe you can find ways to earn extra income – if that's worth it. All of this will help relief a little stress, so why not?” says Patrick.
She points out that parents need to make time for themselves as well as for their spouse.
Patrick says it is very important that parents prioritise spending time with themselves as that will help them focus.
|Patrick: 'It is really important to spend time with our spouse.' |
“Secondly, it is really important to spend time with our spouse. Whether you have just one child or many children, they do not know that you are a separate entity, especially when they are young. They will demand for your attention and compete for your time, and they sometimes cannot wait. So, I think you need to intentionally and deliberately set aside time to spend with your spouse.
“If you don't, the children will very easily and subtly soak up all of your time and before you know it, when your children grow up and go to university, you will stare at your spouse and wonder who is this?” says Patrick.
According to her, many retirees seem to face this issue.
Patrick points out that “me” time and “spouse” time should not be “leftover” time. You have to take the prime time for yourselves.
“Otherwise, everyone will take you for granted and your time will not be a priority and you are teaching your own kids that it's okay to take the leftovers. People will treat you like you treat yourself and your children will model what they see you do. When you are able to make a stand because you know what you want, people respect you for that and they will work around your schedule,” says Patrick.
She points out that the moment someone says they have no choice in any matter, they will feel trapped.
“The truth is you have a choice. If you sit down and take time to evaluate, there are always options available.
“So what you can do is start to create options. You have the option of sending your child to daycare but the problem is that it may not be good enough. Then you have to further explore and get recommendations for daycare centres. Do your research and find some good ones. It won't be perfect, it might not be ideal, but it will be good enough,” she says.
For example, if a parent can't cope with juggling work and home, then consider flexi-hours, working part-time, freelancing or even starting a small business at home.
If a parent cannot cope with being with the child 24-7, consider getting a nanny or putting the child in daycare. Or the parent could create pockets of “me” time by allowing the child to go for something he or she enjoys like art class or ballet.
“I think it's about being very creative in creating options. Do not believe that you have no choice. If you are willing to create options, then you will feel less trapped,” says Patrick.
Playing to strengths
She also advises parents not to try to do everything themselves. Rather than attempt to be superwoman or superman, Patrick says parents should emphasise and play to their strengths.
“I think it's great wisdom to recognise your strengths. When you do that, there's really no premise for you to want to compare. Your friend might be good at something but you may be good at other things.
“Every parent, like every child, is different so don't compare yourself to the career woman who has work-life balance and has a good income. You must first know who you are and what you can do best, and work around your strengths.
“As with a corporate role, a parent should play to their strengths. If you're not good at nurturing (some women actually aren't good at it), maybe the grandparents can do that and you can do the task-oriented stuff.
“It all boils down to the core question of self-awareness. How much do you know about yourself and your strengths as a parent? This is very important. If you don't know who you are, there's no way you're going to impart what you're best at to the next generation.
“When you know who you are, you can impart what you're good at while refraining from passing on what you're not good at. How do we cultivate that self-awareness? By spending time with ourselves.
“Don't let other very idealistic people tell you what you can and cannot do. If you are not there to watch your child's first step, I think that's okay. I think it's much more important to be there to watch them get married mentally sound,” she adds.
Talking it out
Patrick explains that talking it out with your spouse can be helpful and constructive as long as you have sorted out your own thoughts first.
Once you have identified why you feel trapped, then you will be able to verbalise it.
By talking about it, you can further clear your thoughts and then your spouse can help you create options.
Marching to your own drum
If you are feeling trapped and do nothing about it, the worst case scenario is mental breakdown, depression and burnout.
The feeling of being trapped boils down to expectations – your own and those of your family and society.
Patrick advises parents against suffering in silence.
Importanly, parents should not feel bad or even guilty for outsourcing tasks and getting help. Some even go to the extent of feeling guilty for having “me” time.
Patrick advises parents to give themselves a break now and then. Mothers, especially, don't have to be a super worker at the office, super chef at home and then super tuition teacher later.
“Don't be so hard on yourself. I think it's important for superwomen to know they don't have to do it all. There's no point comparing yourself to someone else. It's very important to be self-secure. You are building a family; you are not the only one building it. You should do it together. So, as much as possible, you need to share the responsibility with your spouse – taking care of the children, the housework, the finances, scheduling and chauffeuring.
“And, as the children grow up, it's very important to teach them to be responsible,” says Patrick.
She advises superwomen who feel their husbands are not sharing the load, to leave a bit of the housework for him to do – such as washing his own dishes. Eventually, he'll get the message and do it. Finding other sources of support will help. But you should also find out why he is so hands-off. Verbalise that you need his help and perhaps give him a small task to handle, to start with.
One mistake a lot of women make is to ask for help but when the husband's response time is not as fast, they take over the task before he can get to it. The other mistake is telling their husband that he's not doing a good job of the task at hand. This discourages the man and he won't want to take on the task again.
Patrick advises women to lower their expectations to “good enough”.
That applies to not only their spouse, but themselves and their family as well. Sometimes, it's okay to be “good enough” rather than aiming for “perfection”.
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
I have never been living in another country before, thus I always take for granted on being a Muslim with majority of its people are Muslims. Finding halal foods was easy, it was quite the norm wearing tudung and most of my friends consist of practising Muslims.
And suddenly it was much harder to find abundance of halal foods in foreign land, the Britons/Europeans would always stare at us curiously, especially when we make a stop at the highways. When we first landed in UK, I was cooking on daily basis. Even if we have to go somewhere, like a short trip to the mall or even longer ones, when we went to other countries/states, I would always pack lots of foods. Alhamdulillah, halal meats are easy to be found in Manchester.
I was also grateful that I have to do that sort of stuff, since we were really on tight budget (living on student's allowance with my family).
My first experience in class was quite OK. I came for my first class, and I noticed the Pakistanis were the loudest bunch of students. And they are Muslims. I was not really comfortable when I saw them not practising Islam. And what I meant was, I saw lots of Pakistanis in Manchester, who are already holding British citizenship celebrating Halloween, or drinking beers, and even said that Muslims need not feel obliged to fast in Ramadhan.
Thus, I strive to be a better Muslim in a foreign land. I have 2 close Malaysian friends with me. One girl, who has never wear a tudung, performs solat sunat duha during our morning lecture breaks. I was surprised. Another, who is clad in tudung, was really friendly with all kind of people, that I wish I can be more like her.
And get this, we have another friend, who is actually a guy in past life, but he turns to be a 'she'. I was sad that most Malaysians could not understand how I befriended that girl, that when I complained about this to my other 2 close friends, that I remembers my tudung clad girl friend says,"Islam bukan sahaja melalui perkataan, tetapi melalui perbuatan." Thus, I do agree with her because what is the use of shunning my friend and how can our friend changed for the better without us?
And at this one class, in particular, by the end of our lectures and revisions, the tutor told us that he was delighted that the three of us were in his class. We were keen to be in there and attend every lectures and revisions, even though our class consists of less than 10 people.
Being in another country, I have the opportunity to visit all kind of churches.
I wonder, if I did that in Malaysia, would our people looked at me and whispered behind their back?
I wonder, if the non Muslims enter our mosque, would we welcome them with open arms?
Once, when I was at home, some Christians came knocking at my door and explain about the Bible. But the old gentleman respects me and do not push me towards trying to believe about their religion.
I wonder, if our people do went door to door to promote Islam, would we speak with the person gently or with force?
My friends who are working there, do share their experiences in embodying the Muslim image. They make friends with all sorts of people (most of them are doctors), and they try to be a better Muslim in their daily life. It was hard since Islam is always related to terrorism. And when we were talking about Islam, it always embodies a bad image relating to non practicing Muslims in the UK.
I wonder; Is it because we were born as Muslims, we have always taken for granted on our way of life? Thus, we have never strive to become much better than before.
I have learn now not to judge people with their appearance. Looks can be deceiving. And I do judge people a lot before just from the way they dress. How can I be a better Muslim if I cannot change my perception to other people?
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Pesan Aini, "Ustaz cakap, kalau kita mampu bayar zakat, maka kita sebenarnya kaya."
Kisahnya, rakan-rakan baru dapat pelarasan gaji Selasa lepas, maka potongan cukai berkala juga terlalu tinggi sehingga, kata seorang rakan hanya tinggal RM 17 lebihan kenaikan gaji selepas PCB. Kita selalu mengeluh tidak cukup duit, dengan potongan gaji yang bertimpa-timpa.
Drastiknya, selepas potongan itu dibuat, ramai pula yang mengisi borang untuk membuat pembayaran zakat melalui potongan gaji. Bagus juga. Walhal saya yang selalu bayar zakat secara selambak bila balik beraya pun mulalah mengisi borang yang sama. Untung-untung bahagian Sumber Manusia kami menyediakan borang Pusat Pungutan Zakat pelbagai negeri. Bolehlah memilih hendak berzakat di negeri mana.
Jadi selepas PCB dibuat, mulalah bercerita pasal kerja. Paling penting pasal gaji. Memori lalu, tahun 2002 kami mula bekerja, gaji yang ditawarkan RM 1200. Sekarang, eksekutif baru masuk gajinya RM 2600. Wah, untung badan orang kata. Itu pun mereka yang baru-baru ini masih mengeluh. Hai, kalau nak tahu, cuba bandingkan dengan mereka yang sudah bekerja kurang 5 tahun di sini. Mahunya pelarasan gaji itu menyebabkan eksekutif lama sama gaji dengan eksekutif baru.
Tapi, tapi, yang sedihnya sangat-sangat. Gaji bukan eksekutif masih di takuk lama, tidak berubah. Kenaikan pun tidak tinggi. Sekiranya bekerja secara kontrak, gaji permulaan RM 1200. Cukupkah untuk hidup di Kuala Lumpur? Bertahun-tahun membuat business plan, terkedu buat kiraan gaji bukan eksekutif. Ketika itulah, rasa bersyukur sangat-sangat dengan apa yang ada.
Rakan lain pula bercerita, cleaner di tempatnya, sakit-sakit pun datang kerja. Kerana gajinya dibayar ikut hari, ibarat kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang. Bila disuruh cuti kerana sakit, tidak mahu kerana nanti tiada gaji.
Masyarakat kita, sebenarnya materialistik dan individualistik. Terlalu obses dengan kekayaan. Asal ada duit, semua boleh. Sebab itu tidak pernah puas. Lainnya semasa di sana, mereka yang berkot naik tram bersama-sama saya ketika saya ke kelas. Dek kerana kereta yang murah, maka jenama kereta tidak menjadi ukuran. Malahan kereta boleh diparkir di luar rumah. Crime rate sangat-sangat rendah. Rumah pula tidak bergril dan kunci rumah saya hanyalah satu.
Tetapi dalam banyak-banyak negara, satu artikel mengenai negara Jepun sangat mengusik jiwa. Saya percaya, sekiranya kita tidak mengukur wang ringgit, dan budi pekerti yang tinggi untuk membantu mereka yang lain.
Food for thought: Why there is no looting in Japan?
Setiap kali berlaku bencana secara besar-besaran, kita akan dapati penduduk tempatan mengambil peluang terhadap kelonggaran penguatkuasaan undang dgn memecah masuk kedai-kedai dan pusat membeli belah yang terbiar dan mengambil atau membawa lari apa sahaja yang berupaya diambil pada ketika itu, sama da berharga atau tidak. Kejadian seperti ini tidak hanya terhad kepada negara-negara yang terkenal kerana kemiskinan tetapi juga dikalangan negara-negara maju seperti yang kita saksikan ketika berlakunya bencana Katrina di Amerika Syarikat.
Anehnya, ketika berlakunya bencana tsunami yang melanda banyak kawasan di pantai timur Jepun, fenomena memecah masuk kedai dan pusat membeli belah ini dan melarikan barang-barang ini tidak pula dikesan berlaku.
FROM CNN's Jack Cafferty
In the wake of Japan's deadly earthquake, tsunami and nuclear power plant explosions, we have witnessed the almost indescribable chaos that follows a disaster of this magnitude: loss of life, severe injuries, homelessness, lack of water, food and proper medical care, the physical destruction of towns and cities, and a growing fear of radioactive contamination from power plants that seem beyond anyone's ability to control.
But one heart-wrenching byproduct of disasters like this one has been missing in Japan, and that’s looting and lawlessness.
Looting is something we see after almost every tragedy; for example: last year's earthquakes in Haiti and Chile, the floods in England in 2007, and of course Hurricane Katrina back in 2005. It happens when some people who've seen life as they know it get tossed out the window feel that all morality has been tossed out too. It's survival of the fittest and whatever you can get your hands on is yours, no matter who it belongs to.
But that's not happening in Japan.
Journalist and social commentator Ed West wrote in the UK Telegraph yesterday how struck he was by the Japanese culture throughout this ordeal. He observed how supermarkets cut their prices in the days following the quake and how vending machine owners were giving out free drinks as "people work together to survive." And West was most surprised by the fact that there was no looting.
Many have pointed to the popularity of Japan's distinctive Buddhist and Shinto religions as well as how the values of conformity and consensus are considered virtues in their culture. That's one explanation, but it probably has something to do with remaining true to your moral code even in the darkest hours.
Here’s my question to you: Why is there no looting in Japan?
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
These are some of the stories that we find quite remarkable. Achieveing PhD is never an easy task, it was a long journey, with 3-4 years in the making.
A 40-year old lady, furthered her Masters at USM. During her dissertation for her Masters thesis, she always read books from this one author, who is a well known expert in the field she was taking. She really admires the author and got to know that the author was a professor in UK, but she didn't know the professor is attached to which university.
What she did was when the UK Education Fair was held here, she asked at every booth whether the professor is attached to their university! And there were lots of booths during the fair. With her effort, she found out about the professor and submitted her PhD proposal through e-mail.
She was interviewed by the professor during a teleconference call, which USM had to set up specially for her. And she did ask whether she would be accepted as the professor's student and the reply was, "If I do not consider that, we would not be having this conversation."
Her story didn't stop there when she was accepted.
She was surprised when she found out her professor is actually a very senior professor and he was posted there to attract funds for the university, and she was the only student under him. When she registered at the university, even the admission team was shocked when they found out that the professor is taking a PhD student under him.
One of our friends, when her supervisor knows she was pregnant, didn't talk to her for nearly a year. But she still continues her PhD in the hope that she achieved her goal since she left everything in Malaysia for her study.
Her supervisor was quite harsh, in fact, the first time he sit with her, he outlined that he wants his students' thesis have a fluent English and up to the Oxford standard. She laughed because she thought he was joking and he remarked, "Do you think this is funny?". And he did mention that his students should not be pregnant during their study (which is why he didn't talk to her when she told him she was pregnant).
She had many trials and tribulations that she shared with me during her PhD journey, but I do admire her because she was so strong, along with managing her children (she had 1 set of twin).
This man, he is the father to this girl that I mentioned in a previous post (Doa untuk saudara semuslim). He is in his 50s, and just started his PhD when the accident happened.
His supervisor is a 30-year old professor. And can you imagine a man at his age having a young supervisor? I really admire his preservance, with the trials that he had to overcome.
And yes, the latest news from there, before we were going back for good last month, his daughter miraculously recovers and she can already walk (thus, there is no need for further operation to strengthen her back spine).
Masya' Allah, masya' Allah, I do wish the best for all our friends who are furthering their studies in any field, that they achieved what they have come for.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
And this week is like a roller coaster ride. Wait till Friday, Aida, when you start working :P
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Ya Allah, Kau sabarkanlah hambaMu ini.
Dapat kata-kata ini daripada bapa saudaraku ketika sepupuku mengumumkan keputusan SPMnya semalam;
Kepada ibubapa semua termasuk diri ini ingatlah pesanan ini...anak-anak itu ibarat bunga, ada yang berkembang pada awal pagi, ada yang berkembang pada waktu sore, malah ada yang berkembang pada waktu malam. Masing-masing ada potensi yang tersendiri namun semuanya akan kembang insya Allah pada usia yang berbeza dengan panduan dan didikan yang baik. Janganlah di banding antara satu dengan yang lain kerana semuanya istimewa dengan caranya yang tersendiri, walau pun hati manusia itu fitrahnya untuk sayang pada yang berkenaan
Wahai anak-anakku, marah itu bukan benci, marah itu kerana sayang. Maafkan kekhilafan ibumu ini.
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Dari Muaz bin Jabar r.a Rasulullah SAW bersabda: “Pelajarilah ilmu pengetahuan kerana mempelajarinya merupakan satu kebaikan, mengkajinya adalah tasbih, membahaskannya merupakan jihad, mencarinya laksana ibadah, mengajarkannya bererti sedekah, memberikannya (dengan kemurahan hati) dianggap mendekatkan diri kepada AllahSWT, berfikir tentangnya dianggap sebanding dengan berpuasa dan muzakarah mengenainya adalah laksana melakukan ibadah solat.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Nor Amalina Abd Rahman, who scored 12 As in the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia examination though ill with cancer
WHAT a score. No, I'm not talking about Manchester United beating Inter Milan 2-0. I'm referring to the 2008 Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia results.
A total of 6,277 students scored straight As in all subjects. This is an improvement over 2007 when the figure was 5,060. Last year, 1,676 students scored iA in all subjects compared with 892 in 2007.
What can you say about the tenacity and time-management of Nik Nur Madihah Nik Mohd Kamal, the daughter of a fisherman? She became the top scorer with 20 As, and certainly deserves praise. The Sekolah Menengah (Agama) Maahad Muhammadi Kota Baru student scored 19 1As and one 2A.
Nur Madina stands as yet another beacon to the fact that poverty is not an excuse for not being able to achieve success.
And what about Mohd Shafiq Sahdon, Nor Amalina Abd Rahman, and Aghilan Narayanan?
Shafiq of Sekolah Menengah Sains Kluang, Johor, has impaired vision. But he but saw the light to score 12 As.
Aghilan Narayanan of SMK Jalan Bukit, Kajang, is deaf. But he heard the call of the future and scored 11 As.
Nor Amalina visualised the joy of getting As and drove the pain of the big C into retreat. She got 12 As.
It feels good. For, there is no better nourishment for the soul than such heart-warming stories.
And who can forget Nur Amalina Che Bakri who scored 17 1As in the SPM examination in 2004? That year, 4,410 students scored straight As, with 662 scoring 1A in all the subjects they sat.
In 2002, Yap Sui Lin of SM (P) Kuen Cheng, Kuala Lumpur, became the first student in the country to get 16 As, 15 1As and one 2A.
Compare this with the 1998 results: only 65 students scored the highest (at that time) score of 10 A1s -- higher than the figure for the previous year, when 50 students secured 10A1s.
In 1991, the perfect score was nine A1s, and 20 students were feted for this achievement.
It would, therefore, appear that Malaysian students have made great progress. Or, at least, more are doing better.
But there is a downside to this hunt for academic excellence. It leaves many students, and especially parents, disappointed, even ravaged. Children are rushed into adulthood.
Remember N. Hemanathan of Johor? The boy who had scored five As in his UPSR and seven As in his PMR examination, committed suicide in March 2005 when he got four Bs and five Cs in the SPM examination.
This preoccupation with high academic achievement begs the question: where is our education system heading? And it calls for reflection on the part of parents.
I am reminded of the parable of a pandit, or learned man, who knew his scriptures and had exceptional knowledge. One day, while crossing a river, he engaged in conversation with the boatman. He asked if the boatman knew the Vedas, the holy scripture of the Hindus.
No, replied the boatman. "A quarter of your life has been wasted," declared the pandit.
He drew the same answer when he asked if the boatman knew the six systems of Hindu philosophy. "Another quarter of your life has gone," said the pandit.
"Do you, at least, know the Mahabharata or Ramayana?" asked the pandit. "No, Sir," came the nonchalant reply."
My dear man, three-quarters of your life are gone," said the pandit, disdainfully.
Just then, the river became choppy and water entered the flimsy boat.
The boatman asked: "Learned Sir, do you know how to swim?"
"No, I don't," replied the worried pandit.
"Well then, I am sorry learned Sir, but your whole life is gone," said the boatman, before diving into the river to swim ashore.
Book knowledge is desirable, but life knowledge is crucial. Isn't it time for a better balance? Isn't it time more life was put into our children's education?
Monday, 16 February 2009
Fri Nov 14, 08 10:03:23 am MYT
Berdoa kepada Allah untuk memohon sesuatu adalah digalakkan, dan yang paling makbul doanya adalah yang paling hampir kepada Allah. Kita telah banyak berdoa, termasuk orang-orang yang soleh di kalangan kita, tetapi semacam tidak dimakbulkan, mengapa berlaku demikian, pernahkah doa Rasulullah s.a.w., tidak dimakbulkan Allah SWT. Tolong Dato' jelaskan.- MOHD ALI BAHAROM,Hulu Langat
Doa adalah senjata bagi orang mukmin. Mereka yang enggan berdoa kepada Allah, adalah orang yang bongkak.
Al-Quran memaparkan banyak ayat, antaranya firman Allah (mafhumnya):
"Berdoalah kepada-Ku, Aku (Allah) akan memperkenankan doa permohonan kamu..." (Surah al-Ghafir, ayat 60)
Firman Allah (mafhumnya): "Apabila hamba-Ku bertanyamu tentang Aku hai Muhammad, maka jawablah Aku (Allah) amat hampir dengan mereka, Aku memenuhi doa yang memohon kepada-Ku. Maka mereka hendaklah memenuhi perintah-Ku dan mereka beriman kepada-Ku agar mereka sentiasa mendapat petunjuk. (Surah al-Baqarah, ayat 186)
Dalam as-Sunnah, terdapat banyak hadis-hadis fi'li (perbuatan) dan hadis-hadis qauli (percakapan) yang jelas baginda Rasulullah s.a.w., berdoa ke hadrat Allah SWT.
Berdoa sememangnya dituntut, itu tugas kita sebagai hamba Allah. Sama ada terima atau tidak, ianya adalah urusan Allah SWT. Terserahlah kepada Allah dan memohonlah apa sahaja dengan penuh yakin bahawa Allah akan mengkabulkan doa kita. Nescaya Allah akan memenuhinya sama ada cepat atau lambat.
Nabi Allah Ibrahim a.s. sebagai contoh, telah berdoa ke hadrat Allah agar hati-hati manusia tertarik untuk mengunjungi Makkah beramai-ramai, pada waktu Makkah masih menjadi sebuah lembah yang gersang. Baginda berharap umat manusia datang beramai-ramai menunaikan haji dan membuat umrah, dan dipohonkan rezeki mereka melimpah ruah. Doa itu dilafazkan ribuan tahun dahulu ketika baginda mendatangi Makkah bersama anak dan isterinya.
Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT memakbulkan doa baginda selepas zaman Nabi Muhammad s.a.w., malah sehingga hari ini semakin jelas doa Nabi Ibrahim a.s., seolah-olah baru dimakbulkan. Cuba bayangkan, doa Nabi Ibrahim yang disebut sebagai 'khalilullah' - kekasih Allah - sahabat setia Allah, berdoa ke hadrat Allah, ribuan tahun kemudiannya baru jelas dimakbulkan.
Apabila kita sering berdoa, jangan sesekali membuat kesimpulan bahawa doa kita tidak akan dimakbulkan. Mungkin Allah telah makbulkan doa itu, mungkin dalam bentuk diberikan yang lebih baik daripada apa yang kita pinta. Kadang-kadang doa kita dimakbulkan cepat, kadang-kadang lambat. Ertinya, apa yang dipohon, tidak semestinya diberi atau ditolak.
Ia adalah suatu ujian kepada kesabaran seseorang hamba. Sama ada Allah berikan sesuatu yang lebih baik, atau Allah berikan ganjaran sewajarnya pada hari akhirat kelak dalam bentuk pahala yang banyak.
Antara sebab-sebab nyata Allah tidak makbulkan doa, seperti yang difirmankan Allah dalam ayat 186, Surah al-Baqarah tadi, iaitu orang-orang yang keimanannya kepada Allah itu, masih berada pada tahap yang boleh dipersoalkan dan kemaksiatan yang dilakukan.
Ada hadis Nabi s.a.w. yang menyebut tentang doa yang tidak dimakbulkan, antaranya (mafhum): "Makan minumlah kamu dengan yang halal, nescaya doamu akan dimakbulkan."
Pada suatu ketika ada seorang yang keadaannya begitu terdesak, mengangkat tangan setinggi-tinggi yang boleh, dan berdoa ke hadrat Allah SWT, memohon kepada Allah, tatkala Nabi s.a.w. melihatnya, lalu baginda bermadah kepada para sahabat, mafhumnya: "Lihat orang itu, makan minumnya haram, pakai memakainya haram, bagaimana mungkin Allah menerima doanya." Sememangnya semakin hampir seseorang hamba kepada Allah, semakin suci bersih jiwa dan amalannya, maka semakin mudah Allah memakbulkan doanya.
Seperti yang disebut dalam sebuah hadis qudsi, mafhumnya: "Apabila hambu-Ku mendampingi daku, dengan amalan-amalan yang banyak, khususnya amalan-amalan sunat, maka Aku menyukainya, maka apabila Aku menyukainya, akan-Ku tunaikan doanya (hajat)."
Walau hampir dan akrabnya seseorang insan kepada Allah SWT, tidaklah menjadi syarat utama untuk Allah memakbulkan doanya. Ini kerana, hanya Allah sahaja yang mengetahui kemaslahatan hamba-hamba-Nya. Allah amat mengetahui apa yang hendak diberi dan apa yang tidak perlu diberikan.
Harus kita sedari bahawa dalam kehidupan kita, selain daripada Allah memberi apa yang kita minta, banyak juga kebaikan, rezeki dan sebagainya Allah berikan kepada kita walaupun tidak kita diminta. Amat sedikit yang tidak diberi, itu pun ada kemaslahatannya.
Mengenai soalan saudara, pernahkah doa Rasulullah sendiri ditolak Allah, jawapannya, ya. Memang doa Nabi s.a.w. pernah ditolak. Kadangkala doa baginda pun ditolak.
Ketika Nabi Muhammad s.a.w., pada zaman awal kebangkitan baginda sebagai Rasul, menghadapi banyak tekanan daripada kaum Quraisy dan anggota keluarganya tidak mahu memeluk Islam. Malah baginda pernah disakiti sehingga berdoa ke hadrat Allah (mafhumnya): "Ya Allah! Berilah petunjuk kepada kaumku, mereka ini tidak mengetahui."
Doa Nabi ini tidak ditunaikan sepenuhnya. Bukan orang lain, kalangan anggota keluarga, bapa saudaranya, seperti Abu Lahab meskipun didakwah bertubi-tubi, namun mereka lebih bertegas mempertahankan kekufuran mereka. Malah sampai kepada peringkat menantu Nabi s.a.w sendiri, ada yang tidak beriman, atau lambat beriman. Apa yang nyata, kaum kerabat Nabi, yang didoa dan diusahakan untuk mereka beriman, akhirnya mati dalam keadaan kufur.
Dalam Kitab Sahih Muslim, hadis 2889 disebut (mafhumnya): "Suatu hari Rasulullah s.a.w. singgah di masjid Bani Muawiyah, ditunaikan solat sunat dua rakaat bersama sahabat, selepasnya baginda berdoa panjang dengan doa yang panjang. Selepas berdoa baginda berpaling ke arah sahabat dan bersabda, "Saya berdoa kepada Allah, tiga perkara, Allah tunaikan dua sahaja dan menolak yang satu lagi. Saya memohon agar umat Muhammad tidak dibinasakan dengan kelaparan, Allah tunaikan. Saya memohon agar jangan mereka dibinasakan dengan banjir yang menenggelamkan mereka, Allah tunaikan. Namun apabila saya berdoa agar jangan mereka bergaduh dan berperang sesama sendiri, Allah tidak tunaikan."
Bagaimanapun kebanyakan doa-doa Nabi s.a.w. dimakbulkan Allah SWT. Doa yang tidak dimakbulkan itu memang ada kemaslahatannya.
Oleh itu berdoalah ke hadrat Allah SWT, kerana ia adalah ibadah. Ibadah dilakukan bukan semata-mata untuk keperluan keduniaan. Jika kita ikhlas beribadah, insya-Allah Allah akan memberikan ganjaran yang sebaiknya di hari kemudian. Solat, puasa, zakat, haji, berjihad dan ibadah-ibadah, kita lakukan kerana berhajatkan keredaan Allah atau pahala yang dijanjikan kepada kita pada hari akhirat. Wallahua'lam.